


Texts From Cephalopods

by volta_arovet



Category: Octopus Steals My Video Camera and Swims off with It While It's Recording (Youtube)
Genre: Embedded Images, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volta_arovet/pseuds/volta_arovet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Texts From Cephalopods

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stasia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stasia/gifts).



> Some people have been wondering what clips each section refer to. The answer is simple: see those underlined titles? Click away and enjoy the wholesome, tentacle goodness of a stupid octopus!
> 
> EDIT: 7/2017 PHOTOBUCKET IS NO LONGER ALLOWING REMOTE HOSTING, SO THE IMAGES WILL BE DOWN UNTIL I TRANSFER THE FILES TO A NEW HOST THAT IS LESS OF A BUTT. THIS MAY TAKE A WHILE SINCE THERE ARE MANY FILES AND I'M NOT SURE WHERE I KEPT THE BACKUPS OF THEM AND ALSO I AM LAZY. Thanks in advance, and here, [have a video of Octopus as a baby](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYlRHRXsTj8).
> 
> Many many thanks to the wonderful [Moonsheen](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonsheen), who introduced me to the joys of cephalopods and wrote some of the jokes, and later asked me to marry her. She is the best.
> 
> This has also been [podficced](http://archiveofourown.org/works/748766) if you like your cephalopods in audio format.

It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.

**Octopus Hassles his Beleaguered Friend, the Squid**

**  
[Octopus Takes an Interest in Cinematography](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5DyBkYKqnM)  
**

[Octopus Finds a Sturdy Boat](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DoWdHOtlrk)

[Octopus Pillages a Passing Ship](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfuOn3rxdy8)

[Octopus Shares His Spoils](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjQr3lRACPI)

[Squid Worries About What has Happened to Octopus (with special guest star, the Angry Cuttlefish)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87_UrskGIKA)

[Octopus Enjoys his New Home](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocWF6d0nelY)  
[(and tries to win a bet)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur2HO99l3mk)

[Octopus Knows Nothing About Soccer](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BATirFw3jw)

[Octopus Enacts Another Daring Escape (sort of)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReJ2PTvIyLs)

**Transcription, for the visually impaired, or when Photobucket inevitably fails**  
It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.  
Octopus Hassles his Beleaguered Friend, the Squid  
[name: lol squid]  
Octopus: hay squid guess wat  
Octopus: .___________.  
Octopus: im a whale!  
Squid: …  
Octopus: hahahahaha j/k im an octopus lol  
Squid: I have no idea why I haven’t blocked your number yet  
***  
Octopus Takes an Interest in Cinematography  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5DyBkYKqnM  
Octopus: hay guess wat  
Octopus: squid  
Octopus: squiiiiiiiid  
Squid: What is it?  
Octopus: i got htis guys camera lol  
Squid: You got what?  
Octopus: lemme send you a pic  
***  
XXXlook at all these awesome photos lolXXX  
***  
Octopus: ok here goes  
Squid: You got your tentacle in front of the lens  
Squid: You got ALL EIGHT tentacles in front of the lens  
Squid: How is that even possible?  
Octopus: hay dont front my camera is awesome  
***  
Octopus: uh oh g2g this guys still after me  
Squid: Octopus?  
Squid: Are you okay?  
Squid: Octopus?  
Octopus: running running running omg running  
***  
Octopus: hay squid guess wat now  
Squid: Let me guess, you stole another piece of human electronics  
Octopus: wat no pft cameras are lame we did a trade  
Octopus: i got a harpoon now  
Squid: …a what?  
Octopus: yar whar be the white whale lol  
***  
Octopus Finds a Sturdy Boat  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DoWdHOtlrk  
Octopus: hay squid check it I got this awesome thing  
Squid: Why do you have a coconut shell?  
Squid: Wait...HOW did you get a coconut shell?  
Squid: Never mind, I get the feeling that will only invite overdone Monty Python references.  
***  
Octopus: wat’s monty python?  
Squid: I can’t believe I talk to you.  
Octopus: lol im a hermit crab  
***  
XXXinsert screencap of the octopus in a shell lolololXXX  
***  
Octopus: j/k im an octopus lol  
Squid: Okay, back to the first question  
Squid: Why do you have a coconut shell?  
Octopus: its my hsip!  
Octopus: *hsip  
Octopus: *ship  
***  
Octopus: ok im off to pillage an stuff  
Squid: Have fun with that  
Octopus: yar hoist the mizzenmast scrub the poop deck raise the anchors  
Octopus: awaaaaaaaaay  
***  
Octopus Pillages a Passing Ship  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfuOn3rxdy8  
Octopus: im in ur hsip eatin ur foods lol  
Squid: Ship. What ship?  
Octopus: oh yuo know teh one with the trampolines and  
Octopus: hangon  
Squid: You mean, fishing ship?!  
Squid: We’ve talked about those. This is a terrible idea. This is an extremely terrible idea. Where are you?  
***  
Octopus: on the dekc where all the prawns are  
Octopus: omg this is so awesome you have no idae  
Squid: The DECK?!  
Squid: Hang on stay right where you are.  
Squid: Or. No, don’t stay right where you are.

***  
Octopus: no its cool man got this under control  
Octopus: got my metal gear on lol  
Octopus: i am leik one with the scenery atm  
Octopus: i am a being of solitude  
Octopus: you cant see me  
Squid: Oh my god  
***  
Octopus: ate all the prawns  
Octopus: super tasty  
Squid: Good, now you can get out, yes?  
Octopus: omg gratest idea evar  
Octopus: wat if i  
Octopus: ate all thier bait too lol  
***  
Octopus: and the humans were all  
Squid: Humans?  
Octopus: how did you get in here? >:(  
Squid: You interacted with humans?  
***  
Octopus: and i was all  
Octopus: scuse me gents i hav places to be  
Octopus: ps thanx for the prawns and bait lol

Octopus Shares His Spoils  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjQr3lRACPI  
Octopus: omg theres peopel over there  
Octopus: im gonna go give them a crab lol  
Squid: Wait, people?  
Squid: People?  
Squid: People are who invented calamari, Octopus  
Squid: CALAMARI.  
***  
Octopus: lol they were all like  
Octopus: oh no its an octopus back away  
Octopus: and i was all like  
Octopus: hello humans!  
Octopus: i have come to give yuo food as a gift from my people!  
Octopus: may our people live forever in peace lol  
***  
Octopus: and then i returend to the sea  
Octopus: leaving them in bounty  
Octopus building bridges my freind  
Octopus: building bridgse  
Squid: You are a credit to our kind, Octopus  
***  
Squid Worries About What has Happened to Octopus  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87_UrskGIKA  
[name: Idiot Octopus]  
Squid: Hey Octopus, are you okay?  
Squid: I haven’t heard from you in a while  
Squid: Octopus?  
***  
Squid:Octopus If you get this, please let me know you are not dead  
Squid: I understand we have had our differences. You having eight legs, and me having ten.  
Squid: (Which is not a commentary on your intelligence in any way.)  
Squid: but I guess what I mean is, I very much hope you haven’t crawled into a hole and died.  
Squid: So if you get this message, please let me know that you are not dead.  
***  
Squid: Octopus?  
***  
[name: Cuttlefish]  
Squid: Sorry to bother you, Cuttlefish  
Cuttlefish: YEAH WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
Squid: I was wondering if I could ask you a question  
Cuttlefish: HANG ON LET ME CONSULT MY SISTERS.  
Cuttlefish: ALL EIGHT MILLION OF THEM  
Cuttlefish: SO WE CAN ALL DROP WHATEVER IT IS WE ARE DOING AND IMMEDIATELY HELP YOU WITH WHATEVER IT IS YOU NEED  
Cuttlefish: WHICH IS CLEARLY MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT WE ARE DOING RIGHT NOW  
Cuttlefish: ASS  
***  
Squid: I was wondering if you had seen our friend Octopus anywhere?  
Cuttlefish: OH THAT FUCKER?  
Cuttlefish: YEAH, HE’S IN THE AQUARIUM NOW, WHY?  
Squid: …  
Squid: ...  
Squid: ...  
Squid: The WHAT?!?!?!  
***  
Octopus Enjoys his New Home  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocWF6d0nelY  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur2HO99l3mk  
Octopus: hay squid can you look somethin up for me  
Squid: Are you okay?  
Octopus: yea this place is grate  
Octopus: so can yuo go on gamefaqs and look up how to open a jar with a crab in it  
Octopus: i got the last one but im kinda stuck on this one  
***  
Octopus: no wait i got it  
Squid: I’m so thrilled  
Octopus: ok so go on gamefaqs and log into my account  
Octopus: name octolol248 pw 123456  
Octopus: update my jar walkthrough with this  
Octopus: hold glass thing  
Octopus: turn green round thing left like 4 times  
***  
Octopus: o hay i just got this grate idea  
Octopus: i was looking at this jar and i thot  
Octopus: could i fit inside it????  
Squid: This sounds like a generally bad idea to me  
Octopus: dont dare me to do it man ill totally do it  
Squid: I said this sounds like a bad idea  
***  
[name: fuckin squid]  
Cuttlefish: TELL HIM TO DO IT WE WANT TO SEE IF HE CAN

***  
Octopus Knows Nothing About Soccer  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BATirFw3jw

Octopus: hay squid wut do you know about soccer????  
Squid: I know a bit about the old football, why do you ask?  
Octopus: okay grate i said soccer but whatev  
Octopus: quick germany vs spain who will win  
Squid: That’s pretty tough  
Squid: Villa’s one of the top players out there  
Squid: But Germany’s got a fantastic overall lineup, really no holes there  
Squid: If Spain can manage to hang together and support their star players, maybe, but otherwise I’d definitely go with Germany  
***  
Octopus: nvm im going with Spain  
Squid: What? Why?  
Octopus: because cuttlefish said itd be lolarious to go swim up in front of them and be like  
Octopus: sry germany thnx for the fish but yuor out lol  
***  
[name: Cuttlefish]  
Squid: You have no honor.  
Cuttlefish: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
Cuttlefish: WHATEVER MAN RUGBY’S WHERE IT’S AT  
Squid: No honor.  
Squid: None.

Octopus Enacts Another Daring Escape (sort of)  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReJ2PTvIyLs  
Octopus: dun dun DUN DUN dun dun DUNDUN  
Squid: What are you doing?  
Octopus: mission impossible!!!!  
Octopus: im like totally tom cruise atm  
Squid: Okay, assume I’m the idiot here  
Squid: What are you doing?  
***  
Octopus: im making a daring escape  
Squid: Great! How are you getting out?  
Octopus: nah man im just goin to the next tank  
Octopus: tomorrow the humans will be like  
Octopus: breakfast?  
***  
Octopus: an ill be like  
Octopus: you go hav a brake i already fed myself lol  
Squid: Good luck with that  
Octopus: oh man that tank has some hueg fish brb  
***  
Octopus: Im a whale  
Squid: You forgot to do the period and underscore thing  
Octopus: No Im actually a whale  
Octopus: The Octopus somehow made it into my tank  
Squid: What?  
Octopus: Clever lil fella  
***  
Octopus: Anyhoo he just wanted me to say hi  
Octopus: The Octopus said you could show me a picture of me?  
Squid: No.  
Octopus: o cmon man do iiiiiiit  
Squid: Fine.  
Squid: ._________.  
***  
Octopus: Oho thats quite the clever picture!  
Octopus: asfjkdslf man you did it yuor the best!!!!!!!! <3  
Squid: …  
Squid: <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Texts From Cephalopods [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/748766) by [bessyboo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/pseuds/bessyboo), [Lunate8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunate8/pseuds/Lunate8), [Pennyplainknits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennyplainknits/pseuds/Pennyplainknits), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins), [RevolutionaryJo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevolutionaryJo/pseuds/RevolutionaryJo), [sly (curiously_me)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiously_me/pseuds/sly), [XanaTenshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanaTenshi/pseuds/XanaTenshi)
  * [[Podfic] Podfication 2016 Live Performances](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11162601) by [argentumlupine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumlupine/pseuds/argentumlupine), [bessyboo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/pseuds/bessyboo), [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/pseuds/blackglass), [cantarina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantarina/pseuds/cantarina), [Lunate8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunate8/pseuds/Lunate8), [miss_marina95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_marina95/pseuds/miss_marina95), [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong), [paraka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paraka/pseuds/paraka), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins), [RevolutionaryJo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevolutionaryJo/pseuds/RevolutionaryJo)




End file.
